The perfect oxymoron

Whoa wait a minute Kari… what silly idea have you concocted now?!?!? I know that had to go through a few of your minds when you caught a glimpse of the title. I need you to just stop and think… how does that title make you feel. I know I can’t be the only mother/parent that grapples with a love/hate relationship with being a mom/parent. My son brings such joy to my life, but at the same time he is the only person who can truly bring me to my knees with sorrow. Well…hang on a second… He isn’t the ONLY one. There is another person who is really efficient when it comes to my emotions… that is me. We aren’t here to talk about the ways I can bring myself up or down. We are here to talk about how our children affects our lives. Well at least today we are. Who knows what the future holds.

Where to even begin….hmmm… AHA!!! Let’s start at the beginning! From the first moment they are born, our children have us all wrapped around their finger. Lucky for us it takes them a little while to figure it out. Every little thing they do brings us joy. As much as I enjoyed my sleep prior to Henry being born, I absolutely loved spending every moment with him. Hey, I complained when I was tired. Who doesn’t?!? However, I forgot about it all when I held MY son in my arms. Who doesn’t?!? All the firsts just make your heart swell so big you feel like it will burst! Seeing them walk, babble, eat, and even be mischievous ( to a certain extent) is exciting. Each time you witness something new you can help by show your pride and unconditional love! How is it even possible that something so tiny can take up every little bit of your world. Let’s insert a story about Adam here! It seems only right! HA! This story every pre dates our first meeting Henry. I remember that I was only nine weeks pregnant and we were going to the Ren Fest with friends. He kept asking me and asking me if we could tell just the few people that we were expecting. For those of you who knew Adam, when he got excited about something he couldn’t contain himself! The man wore me down! He was so excited that he was going to be a dad that he just wanted to shout it out for all to hear! To see him this giddy and happy about something brought tears to my eyes! Of course he told the group that we went with! Children bring so much joy and love, but they can also cause the deepest pain.

Yes, yes we all know that labor is a beast and the pain is CRAZY, but I am not talking about physical pain. Now I guess it is my turn to be the star. When Henry was three months old he contracted RSV. This was by far the scariest and most pain I have ever felt since meeting this wild child! Having to take him to the urgent care because he was having trouble breathing, monitor his breathing every 30 minutes, and hearing his cough just made my chest burn! I felt everything he did. There has been nothing to this day that has hit my like that. Even Adam’s passing wasn’t the same. It hurt, but in a completely different way. I know that I have awhile before I experience the sting of a child’s words or the actions that just chill me to my core, but I know that day is coming. No one can hurt us more deeply that the light of our lives. Although both parents loves the child(ren) unconditional, but I do feel like mothers have a different connection. I mean how can we not considering, we were one for ninth months. I could be completely off my rocker, but luckily I am not claiming this as a scientific fact.

Bottom line is we (mothers/fathers) are the perfect oxymoron! Our children are the best things about us, but they are also the worst at times. Even though there are difficult roads we must travel, we are willing to go above and beyond to ensure their success and safety! They best part about it is as long as you constantly remind and show them… no matter what they say in anger or frustration…they will never forget! During those dark times our resolve will be tested, but the best of times reward our fortitude and strength.

K. Marin