A Child’s Intuition

I have spent a lot of time talking about my struggles and victories so much I thought I would take a different approach. Again, nothing I say is anything but my view points on my situation. I would like to take a dive into the mind of my handsome wild child! I am not sure that I am truly ready for the experience, but what the heck! Let’s do it. Henry has been through so much and he is only two…well almost three. He has experienced great loss, a brand new house, and not to mention a complete shift in the day to day. If anyone is just rocking right along its my son! I know that he is very young and doesn’t truly understand what is going on, but I know that deep down he is aware. I know that Adam made himself known to Henry just a few days after he passed and will tell that story a little later. I know that children aren’t invulnerable, but they are certainly more flexible. I do feel like Adam has been given the title of Henry guardian angel and it shows. This is going to be a little emotional for those of you who know what happen, but some details are crucial.

Adam passed away in the early morning hours of July 20th. Henry was asleep through the entire process. From the moment he woke, we had someone in the house with us to keep us both occupied, and mostly to support our needs. Once the house was empty… I believe about a week or maybe two after… I heard talking coming from Henry’s room. I looked at the monitor and Henry was sitting up and taking to someone. He was having a conversation with someone that he was comfortable with because he was so calm and matter of fact. All of a sudden it got quiet, and he starting yelling mommy. Not in an alarmed way, but in a “come here” way. I hope that made sense… HA! When I came in he said “rock me”. As we were sitting in the rocking chair he looked up at me and said “Mommy, daddy is in the playroom.” I didn’t even know what to say, because Henry shouldn’t have known that. I told him that Daddy was with Jesus, and he very firmly said, “No, Daddy is in the playroom.” As I look back I feel like Adam had one more conversation with his son before heading out. Adam was always concerned about Henry’s wellbeing and he did one last check in. Henry has always seemed so chill when it comes to talking about his daddy. He never once asked where Adam was, and always wanted some extra loving. Honestly, I think that he was doing that because he knew I needed.

Children are so innocent and open minded so they are able to experience things that some adults would believe to be impossible. I am thankful for whatever experience Henry had. He feels the absences, but does not really understand that Daddy is supposed to be here. At the same time, he never really asks much, but he enjoys looks at all the picture that he and Adam had taken in the short time they were able to spend together. I am going to try and take a lesson from my son and keep my mind open. I can not close myself off the the world, not matter how much I want to. He gives me the strength and courage to do it!

-K. Marin