The Good, Bad, and the Ugly

Our lives are full of mountains we climb and hills we fly down. There are times we are just moving along on cruise control. There are many things that happen in our days on this Earth that shape our personality and outlook. We should look at all things that happen in our life as mini destinations. With destinations we are able to begin again. Although the “ugly” times seem to be the end of everything, they are just the toughest new beginnings. Each experience is crucial to our growth.

The easiest to discuss is those good times. These are the hills we are speeding down with little resistance. I imagine a little kid sledding down a hill giggling the whole time. These good times are times of healing and self love. Whether you are celebrating a promotion, a new child, or even just accomplishing all on your to do list. Every little good thing is worth celebrating, no matter the size! We are blessed with many more good memories than any others combined. I have so many beautifully vivid memories that my precious family shared, even if it was short lived. I remember the day Henry was born, and the pure love I saw on Adam’s face when he first held him. The pride that beamed from his face at every little thing our son did. Adam’s unconditional love for all of us, and unfailing support throughout all my endeavors. He was my rock and my safe haven. Each memory I have shared with him will be passed on to our son. Although he will not make any more precious memories, I can ensure that his father’s memory lives on. These are the moments that make life worth living. These are the moments that can heal us. These are the moments that give us the strength to keep moving. These are the moments that give us hope for the future. Cling to those with all your might and you can overcome even the darkest of days. As much as our life is filled with light, it is also filled with darkness.

The darkness in our lives can be classified two ways…the bad and the ugly. My meaning is quite literal. Bad things happen everyday that provide minor mood changes or short lived feelings of negativity or uneasiness. Things such as a bad hair day or flat tire. Even though Adam’s seizures were draining on me emotionally, physically, and psychologically, I always got my husband back each and every time. This was the reprieve I was speaking of. This was the short lived struggles that made me appreciate all the wonderful things in life I had. All of these things are easily remedied and only have an effect on you in the short term. They are mere roadblocks that delay us from reaching our destination, but they don’t have the power to stop us in our tracks. However, it’s older and meaner brother can if we are not careful. Those “ugly” circumstances are ruthless and draining. They leave you feeling like you have nothing left to fight for. Negativity is in it for the long haul. The emotions and struggles are not for the faint of heart. I say that like we have a choice in the matter, but in reality we don’t.

Some of the most common “ugly” circumstances that are experienced would be death, terminal illnesses, etc. These moments cause much fear, anger, sadness, and a great many other emotions. It makes it seems as if the world has suddenly stopped. You feel this tremendous weight bearing down on you and there is no relief in sight. No matter how hard you try you are unable to rise above the pain that you are facing. For those of you who are religious, you might find yourself angered that this was allowed to happen. As someone who lost their other half suddenly, all of these things happened at some point or another. I want to say that it gets better with time, but really I am not sure that’s true. The weight lessens, but the hole remains the same. The sadness is overwhelming more days that naught. All you can see in darkness, no matter how hard you search for the light. Your fear begins to sow frightening and negative thoughts. If not checked these fears could become your reality. Here’s the catch… Although the “ugly” moments in life are difficult… they are a destination that has been reached.

We have many new beginnings that take place throughout our lives. The most impactful ones are when they are unexpected or hurtful. From the ashes of grief, you can rise a better, stronger person for your experiences. Destinations are where we are flooded with all the amazing possibilities open to us if we are willing to put one foot in front of the other and press on. Life is not meant to be easy, and we will always be left wanting if we do not focus on what we have. You will never triumph if you are not prepared to do what is necessary for the ones you love, even if that means letting them go. Unfortunately, that choice was made for me and I am forever changed by it…haunted by it. Even through the adversity of life, those who cling to the beautiful moments, peaceful encounters, and loving memories will always arise victorious…time after time.

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-K. Marin