If any of you read my post regarding how death changes you and enjoyed it, I certainly hope you will find this post enlightening. Death is extremely toxic to those who have to experience it, however our will power is our driving force to overcome. As difficult as it is to work through all the emotions that flood our thoughts, deep down a fire is kindled, and as long as it is tended to will grow. It so easy to succumb to the grief and despair, especially when the person lost is extremely close to you. As I was talking to another who was dealing with the same situation as myself, he said something that really hit home for me. ” try to take some time and really look at how strong you have been to get where you are now.” The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Although the days are darker then when Adam was here, my drive has been stronger to press forward in order to make Adam proud at the strides that I have made to climb the mountain put before me. Even with him being gone from the physical world, he still helps support and inspire me.
The power of will is the strong weapon we have in our arsenal. This feeds our need to succeed and power through even the darkest of days. This is the fire that burns deep within your soul and as long as you nuture it… no matter how little it will continue to urge you forward. Let me tell you being a single mom has really tested my limits…along with my toddler! Nothing but testing the limits, he is. You like my Yoda-ism there? HA! I digress…but seriously though this has really put me to the test, and I sure will continue to do so in new ways as I continue on the journey. Not only is it taxing physically, but also emotional and psychological. The jury is still out on which on is worse! Physically, Henry wears me out! I do also work full time in a job that is extremely demanding. Not to mention the crazy sleep deprivation! PHEW! My daily routine is utterly exhausting. But wait, there’s more! Emotionally, I am just completely tapped. I have given everything I have to give and then some. Constantly giving and not seeing any return. I know that sounds really selfish, but its like a bank account. If you keep spending, but don’t have any income you will be broke. Just when you think “I am done, finished, too exhausted to keep climbing” and you sit down completed overwhelmed with all you have on your plate. If you stop your racing mind for one moment, you can hear your inner voice. You can feel that fire burning stronger. That drive pushing you forward. If you let it your will power will drag you farther that you ever thought possible. Are you hanging on, because things are about to get wild.
Our spirit and will are powerful forces and will move you forward if you let them. They will give you the drive to press on. Death is a difficult mountain to climb, and the grief that comes with it is a thousand pounds to carry while you climb up that crazy steep hill. Trust me, you can do it! You will slip back many time before you reach the top, but you will be a better person when you do!