All Single… No Mingle!

Honestly, this is the most recent change of heart I have had. Within the last few weeks I have been contemplating why I have to put my marital status as widowed. I mean is it really necessary? What’s the difference if I identify as single rather that a widow? What sparked this train of though was reading someone else’s thoughts and it really planted a seed, and naturally my mind nurtured it….and here we are. There are so many ways to go with this. Before we get to far, let me say that if you are more comfortable with the term widow or widower… more power to you. You do you! I do not want anyone to feel attacked in any way shape or form. This is purely my idea and feelings on the specific terminology. Okay, now that the disclaimer has been provided, let’s get back on track.

When you here the word widow(er), what is the first thing that comes to mind? Someone who has lost a spouse? Grieving? Hurting? Emotional Wreck? I can think of many things, from the definition of the term to words that I associate with it. Are any of yours the same? Did you think of any that were different? The point I am trying to make is that all of these things have a negative connotation. This terms, for me, implies many things that I do not want to experience any longer. If you are working through your grief and loss, why would you like to have a term that insinuates suffering define you months, and maybe even years after the initial loss? How is that helping you grow and move forward. Some of you might say that I am diving in way too deep. It is just a term… who cares. And to those that feel that way, I salute you! I am so proud that you are able to keep your identity and terms that “describe” your situation separate! Unfortunately, I am not at that point yet, but I am working to get there. I also feel like using the term “widow”, in my case at least, it bring unwanted attention and sympathy. I know that is just a knee jerk reaction that people have, and it doesn’t upset me… I just don’t want to deal with it. Let’s talk a little bit more about the term defining you in this time of your life…

When a child loses both of their parents are they always considered an orphan? I don’t think… remember MY opinion. If they are young and not an adult, of course their are. They require assistance making sound decision and require someone to help provide for them. However if the child is an adult…are they considered an orphan? Nope… It is just another someone who has lost someone extremely close to them. If we are following this logic…perhaps being a “widow” in the beginning is alright, considering the loss is new and the grief is practically unbearable. I was talking to my mom the other day, she made the comment that single can mean that you are divorced, widowed, etc. She is absolutely correct. The marital status of single could rise nosey questions…but regardless, this can help you keep moving forward. It signifies that you are ready to take the next step in your healing journey. Congratulations, you are leveling up!

” Even if life isn’t perfect… It can still be wonderful.”

K. Marin

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