My Dearest Adam,
Is is hard to believe that you have been gone for a little over 18 months! I am just wondering why time must fly by so quickly. It seems like just yesterday you were giving me the best hugs, and acting super silly with our son. I admit I am still struggling, at times, dealing with your death. Everytime, I begin to feel emotions creep up, I swear I hear your voice say “suck it up”. I’m not sure what you thought would happen, when you were called home, but I have a feeling it was a little different then what is our current reality. Adam, I know you only wished for our family’s happiness, regardless of the cost, and in that fact I feel like I have failed you. I am living in the past. I am spending my days and night just wishing for one more day, knowing that it would just fuel that fire and not quench it. This is how I know that we were soul mates. I know sometimes, in the beginning you had your doubts, but my love never waivered. I know in my bones that it would only be you.
Here we are, almost two years after you have passed and that love still burns with a flame so bright it could blind you! Not a day passes that I don’t get to glimpse of you through our son. Let me tell you, Mr. Marin, he is definitely YOUR SON!!!! For that I will always be thankful not matter how challenging it gets! This allows me to continue see your presence, hear your laugh (yes dear, Henry giggles), and hug the best part of you. Thank you for giving me such an amazing blessing. The love that we have transcends the vail of this world and reaches into oblivion. The bond we shared will never be broken. Again, I can hear you telling me, ” Kari move on. I am gone, and you have so much life left. Don’t waste it.” Well, you knew how stubborn I was before you married me, so you are just going to have to deal. I will do what I want when I want. More importantly, I am not ready to let you go. Maybe one day, I will be able to fully step back out into the world as confident as when you were by my side, but right now I am just not ready. There is so much left to sort out.
Obviously, we weren’t mean to have forever and frankly that sucks, but thank you for making these last ten and a half years of my like so absolutely amazing. Although the last few months were tough, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I just wish I could have done more. I know that there is a plan that is unfolding here. We are never given more that we can handle, but I am not ready to close this door. I promise that I will not linger is this grief forever. I promise to do what needs to be done to ensure our son’s safety, health, and happiness. But I need something from you…Never ever leave your son! Please forever guide and watch over him. I was given the privilege to know every aspect of you, and he lost you before he could understand just how awesome you were. If you do that one favor for me, it will help you out when we meet again. You already know I have a few words for you, so you better get ready! If I can’t have you walking with me through this life, then Henry is one lucky kid, to have one of the fiercest guardian angels. When I think about that we are winning.